Thrice

Gray winds come and gray winds fall
haunting, swift and heady.

Gray winds come and gray winds go
'round my soul they eddy.

World undone

The struggle is not to ferret out the perpetrator of whatever inconceivable deed that has transpired, but rather to come to terms with our own inability to comprehend, our own unwillingness to accept and our temptation to visit that alluring freedom the casting of blame brings to the satisfaction of perceived justice our naive minds cry for. It is far too easy to seek around ourselves, like some wild beast hungrily snarling for the next victim, to transform suspicion into guilt at the touch of the most fallible of possibilities and lay it upon the unfortunate shoulders of whichever poor soul venturing too closely to the vicinity of the hastily drawn assumptions we have created in our own perception. Then it is but simple steps to stop fighting our own naivety and instead concentrate our efforts upon discrediting, punishing, and hating the victim to our utmost satisfaction. The fact that we can derive such feelings of absolution and peace from the antagonizing of another human being in this world is every indication of the wide array of sentiments humanity is susceptible to, and an even stronger call to stand above the mob and grasp and understand grace and forgiveness and wisdom lest one day we find ourselves on the other end of the torch. To see such dark depths to which we so easily and eagerly sink cries out more fervently than ever our need for a God, and to see the triumphant strength of heart and compassion that breaks free to soar above such temptation gives evidence more than ever to the certainty that there is a God.

Cookin' Time

Monday night dinner all impromptu-ish

Top Sirloin with caramelized onions and sun-dried tomatoes on toasted flax seed Ciabatta bread with roasted garlic-aioli Dijon mustard.

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner

Well, there's actually no chicken here, but for titles I usually put the first thought in my head.

Another cooking night...

First course - Sweet potato ravioli with sage butter cream sauce.


Side dish - Wasabi mashed potatoes with shallots fried in sesame oil


Main course - Peppercorn-crusted Seared Ahi Tuna with Avocada and Shiitake-ginger cream sauce.


Dessert - Molten chocolate cake with Vanilla or Espresso Ice Cream and Chocolate Fudge Sauce
(Unfortunately the heat from the cake started melting the ice cream, whipped cream as I was taking pictures)

Today

Pray for the wisdom to differentiate between opinions born of fear and steeped in arrogance and between a heartfelt desire to live and breathe that vaunted Truth so tightly clasped in desperate moments of fading hope. To crown Humility with Grace's soft touch and all bow our heads before an Ancient Majesty that in countless lifetimes has never ceased to prove a Sovereignty far beyond the meager strength of our assured foolishness and frail certainty.

Let it be instead that in our wonderment, in our bewilderment, in our confusion, we will courageously void ourselves of anger and hate and the lure of imagined personal affronts so that in that release and freedom we shall find the salvation, the steadfast glory of a Proven Faith.

Prop 8

For a long time I avoided writing this, telling myself that I was refusing to enter a debate I didn't know enough about, using my own lack of knowledge as an excuse for a cowardice in expressing my own opinion. And then I argued to myself, that it is not so much the possession of opinions that differs wise men and fools, but rather the temperance with which one views his/her own opinion: whether it be with an open heart that finds that fine line between being honest and steadfast with one's beliefs, yet respectful and loving of another's. It is all to easy to be caught up in the righteousness of our own arguments, in the temptation of being right that we forget to love, forget to withhold judgment on one another.

Unfortunately, and with perhaps a slight blow to my own ego, it is the bravery of others in standing forth from the mob around us that has lent me courage to at the very least put my own thoughts down in firm writing as a testament to stand behind. I do not particularly desire to write this, yet the unsaid and unwritten burns inside me, some sort of hot rage unrelentingly demanding release as I cower behind a myriad of excuses.

So here lies a small part of my mind coalesced with my heart, forming an opinion that in all my arrogance is only humbly, mine.

This past week, with the various conversations I have had with friends and acquaintances in regard to the issue of prop 8 has brought me a great disappointment in many and a humbled respect for too few. I have met proponents for either side, people who argue with great fervor and passion, who utilize logic like a sharp-edged weapon, ones who stand for the sanctity of marriage opposing those who demand equality and freedom. And I have never been so disappointed in seeing the foolishness of so many who eagerly and passionately devote themselves to a cause not with wisdom and love for our BROTHERS and SISTERS, but with an arrogant mob mentality that boasts of ignorance and hypocrisy. I see around me people who have become so lost in the BATTLE that they have forgotten the worth of the casualties. I speak about people on both sides of the issue, slandering and tearing one another apart with ones pervertedly using the word of God as a guise to further a hypocrisy of self-righteous cowardice, and others using the social idea of equality as a dagger to demand freedom without realizing the context and sacrifice that freedom carries.

I, myself believe in Christ, the depth and meaning of His love, and the sanctity of the marriage that He calls for. I believe that the blessing of marriage is something that God has intended to glorify and symbolize His own sacrifice and remains one of the greatest blessings He can possibly give to us. I also believe that we, as Christians today, have torn asunder that very holy idea of marriage. What exists today in our society is nothing like the marriage God intended for us. We eagerly argue that God never desired homosexuals to engage in marriage, yet we refuse to look at the other parts of God's description. We do not talk about adultery, or divorce, or abuse, which so many Christian men and women in Christian marriages are guilty of. If we are to point the finger and deny marriage to homosexuals, then in all fairness we must deny it to those who cheat and those who abuse as well.

The act of marriage itself is only an act, born from the philosophy and principles lying behind it, never the other way around. Instead of looking at the act of marriage that we desire so strongly to deny homosexuals, we must look at the foundation marriage rests upon. Marriage is intended to portray the goodness of God, symbolizing His sacrifice and love with a union both holy and good. As a group of people, we have not upheld that in the least, choosing our own freedom and desires before it. Once I heard a famous speaker at a Christian conference who gave an apt description that many found wise and heartfelt: the speaker said simply that the Shepherd is ever the one gently guiding, gently leading. It is the butcher who chases from the back and scatters the flock. We must look at ourselves and ask what we are truly doing: are we leading, or are we in fact trying to angrily chase away our brothers and sisters? Do not vote according the act of marriage that we see, but rather the principles marriage is founded upon, the principles God asks us to dedicate ourselves towards: love for one another, an understanding of His humbling grace, and a dedication to our own personal integrity.

I ask not to vote with arrogance and pride, but with faith that as long as you are following God's heart, not the actions but His heart itself, that His will will bring forth change greater than any we could ever accomplish or imagine. Sorrow that God must look down upon His children using His truth to tear one another apart, and rejoice that He is powerful enough to defy our understanding, powerful enough to happen miracles. Dare to look at the deeper matter, the heart and truth behind not only marriage but how God wishes us to treat one another as well, and then let Him do the work. After all, He is God.